Trying to Change
The Wound We Carry — And When It Gets Activated
Whenever I talk with someone, I try to emphasize one simple truth:
Change isn’t easy. But the first step to change is awareness –
the moment you recognize, “I want to make a change.”
From there, the path isn’t always immediate. Some changes happen quickly.
Others take time – because they require us to face something deeper:
Fear, Old habits, Patterns we’ve carried since childhood!
What I’ve come to understand is this: Change is rarely about what’s happening on the surface.
It’s about what’s been living underneath it all along. And often, it’s our life timing – our cycles – that bring these deeper layers forward. Not to punish us.
But to reveal what we’re finally ready to see.
My Story
As a child, I often found myself on the outside looking in. I remember being at my grandmother’s farm – nine miles outside a small town, in the middle of nowhere. There was no one to play with. My two older sisters had each other—and someone else. I didn’t.
Even in my neighborhood, my friends were older. When they started school, I was left behind. I remember this moment clearly – crying to my mother because I missed the school cutoff date by 18 days. My birthday was October 18. The cutoff was September 30. Watching my buddies walk down the street going to school. To a five-year-old, that wasn’t just timing. It felt like rejection. Even in sports, I could keep up with all my playmates – but when it came to organized activities, I was told I was too young to play. And without realizing it… Something formed.
A quiet belief:
“I need to prove I belong.”
That belief didn’t stay in childhood. It evolved. It showed up as:
Doing more, preparing more, making sure I had something valuable to say, often repeating it more than once; So, I wouldn’t be overlooked again. On the surface, it can look like confidence. But underneath… It’s often a pattern of trying to secure my place.
The Astrology Behind It – This connects directly to my Chiron at 0° Aquarius in the 3rd house.
Chiron represents the core wound and the path to healing. It reflects the early experiences where we felt hurt, unseen, or not enough—and the patterns we develop to cope with that pain. These wounds don’t simply disappear with time; they stay with us, often shaping how we think, speak, and relate to others. But Chiron also carries wisdom. As we become aware of these patterns and learn to work with them, what once felt like a wound becomes a source of understanding, compassion, and growth. The 3rd house reflects early environment—school, siblings, neighborhood. Aquarius carries themes of belonging, acceptance, and being part of the group. At 0 degrees, the experience is raw, foundational, and felt early in life.
This placement speaks to: Feeling unseen, Feeling unheard, Feeling just outside the circle. These patterns don’t disappear. They stay with us – until “something” activates them.
Right now, that “something” is Pluto.
Pluto represents deep transformation. It’s the force that brings what’s hidden to the surface – our unconscious patterns, emotional intensity, and the parts of ourselves we’ve learned to suppress or control. Pluto doesn’t work on the surface; it goes to the root. It breaks down what is no longer serving us so something more authentic can emerge. Its energy can feel intense, even disruptive, but its purpose is ultimately to bring truth, awareness, and lasting change.
Pluto has moved fully into Aquarius and is now making a direct, sustained pass over my Chiron. This isn’t casual energy. This is precise, Focused, Unavoidable. From May 6 through October 2026, Pluto retrogrades from 5° back to 2° Aquarius, staying within range of my Chiron at 0°. It won’t be beyond 5° Aquarius until Q1 2027.
I’ve often said there are no accidents, and on May 1, there is a Full Moon in Scorpio activating my natal Scorpio Moon in the 12th house – bringing deep emotional material to the surface. What this means.
What is being touched cannot be ignored. This isn’t about creating something new. It’s about bringing forward what has always been there: Old emotional imprints, Old protective patterns, Old ways of relating when It Shows Up in Real Life.
I’ve noticed something recently. How often I feel the need to speak. Not just to contribute… But, if I’m being truthful, to make sure I’m valued and not being overlooked. This raises a deeper question:
Am I speaking from truth… or from the need to prove I belong? That’s the real work right now.
And if I’m honest… It doesn’t always show up gracefully. Those closest to me – Jean, Korinne, and Ratna – have felt the volatility of this energy. There are moments – like a recent drive to a fair – where what people see at the fair is calm and collected Alan, not the Alan that lost the plot driving to the fair… behind the scenes, there can be an intensity, a surge of emotion that comes out quickly and strongly. Not because I’ve done something wrong – but because something in me has been triggered.
That distinction matters. Because it shifts this from blame…
to awareness. The energy is real. It needs to move. But it also needs to be understood, because of the impact on those around me. This is the part that’s hardest to admit. The people closest to us often feel the energy of what we’re working through before we fully understand it ourselves. And while the trigger may be internal…
the impact is external. Even when it’s unintentional, that intensity can feel like pressure, reaction, or conflict to others.
So, this becomes part of the work too: Not just becoming aware of the pattern – but becoming responsible for how it lands.
A Personal Acknowledgment to Jean, Korinne, and Ratna – I can see that this energy doesn’t just live inside me. It shows up in our interactions. And while I understand more now about where it’s coming from, I also recognize that understanding it doesn’t excuse the impact. I’m trying to learn to catch it. To slow it down. To respond rather than react. And I appreciate your patience as I work through something that clearly runs deeper than the moment. My Pluto doesn’t reach the 5° separation from Natal Chiron until ~Q1 of 2027, so forward apologies!
The Shift -This process isn’t about eliminating the wound. It’s about changing my relationship to it.
Moving from: Proving → Trusting, Securing → Allowing, Needing to be seen → Knowing my value
Because the truth is:
We don’t need to earn our place anymore.
We already have it.
Message from Maitreya
You are not being asked to become something new. You are being shown what has always lived within you. The discomfort you feel is not a failure. It is awareness becoming conscious. Do not resist what rises to the surface. Observe it. For in your observation, you create space – and in that space, you gain choice. You have spent much of your life proving your place. Now you are being asked to trust it. This is the shift. Not in what you do, but in how you see yourself.
Closing Reflection
If something in your life is being triggered right now… Pause before reacting.
Ask yourself:
What is this really showing me? Because the moment you see the pattern – the moment you become aware – that’s the moment real change begins.
To all of us on the journey of awareness, what is being triggered in you right now is not here to break you – it’s here to show you what is ready to be understood, integrated, and finally released.
Maitreya stressed that education is the key. The Cosmos is fueling change on both personal and global levels. Try to embrace the change. Consider an Astrological or Past-Life reading to better understand where the energy is playing out in your journey. Jean offers a very practical, but in-depth 5-week Chiron Healing Course if you want to explore your deepest wound.
Here is a link to Maitreya Teaching Videos to assist you on numerous topics. For more videos, view the Playlists on the Maitreya Wisdom YouTube Channel. For a free download of the Maitreya Wisdom Card App, Maitreya Quotes App, or Maitreya Speaks Ebook (411 newsletters channeled by Maitreya), follow the links. Visit the Maitreya.co website to learn more about becoming your own Master.
Have a meaningful May.
Love and Light,
Alan 
