This is a work of fiction. Note that if you’re reading this in an e-newsletter, the table in this story might be hard to read. You can always read the copy on the blog.
“Uh oh. Cat’s up to something crazy again. OK, so what’s this — a map for solving all the world’s problems?
“It’s a game board, Dev. I’ve invented a new game based on ikigai. It can be used as an ice-breaker, to help people who don’t know each other discover things they enjoy in common. Or it can be used by people who do know each other to learn more about each other, and see how well they know each other.”
“So… an ice-breaker or a relationship-breaker. Sounds very dangerous.”
“Maybe if there’s things that are important to someone you love, that you’re completely unaware of, it might be better to know about them than remain not-so-blissfully ignorant? But the main purpose of the game is to have fun. It’s based a little on the old party game “Would You Rather?”, and the more recent “Personal Preference” game but this has important differences. Want to know how it works?”
“Sure. One of the things on my ikigai list is making the women I care about in my life happy. Go for it.”
“OK, so, this game can be played by any number of players, but this layout you see represents four players. Let’s assume they’re people who don’t know each other that well, like the people at our monthly Vegan Potluck coming up this weekend, since that’s when I thought about introducing this game.”
“With you so far.”
“The game consists of a fixed number of rounds, let’s say 24 ‘cause it divides evenly into lots of different group sizes. Each round consists of one player reading out a sentence that starts with ‘Would it bring you joy to: [A]___ [B]___ [C]___?”, where A, B and C are three roughly similar activities, at least one of which the questioner really likes — maybe something from their ikigai list. So for example: [A] have a bubble bath by candlelight with someone you love; [B] spend time in a hot tub with a group of friends and a bottle of wine; [C] spend time in a sauna with three friends giving each other massages. And then using tiles with zero, one, or two stars printed on them, each player puts a green tile with the appropriate number of stars on the card in front of them, face down, under each of the three letters, to indicate whether they wouldn’t get joy from that (0 stars), would get a little joy from it (1 star), or would get enormous joy from doing it (2 stars).”
“Ooh. Some of those things would merit five stars from me.”
“And then, each player (other than the questioner), uses the same scoring system and the blue tiles to guess what the questioner’s own preferences for those three things would be (also face down). Your answers can all be two stars, or all zero stars, or any combination of stars. (Except that, if this is the questioner’s own question, rather than one from the ‘starter’ deck, then at least one of the questioner’s own preferences has to be two-stars, something on their ikigai list.)”
“What if options [A], [B] and [C} are so different that they’re not comparable, like if in your example [B] was eating raspberries and [C] was skydiving?”
“That’s why this game is better than the binary-choice ‘Would You Rather?’ games. They don’t have to be comparable, though I think it makes it more interesting if they are. What’s important is that the choices have to be concrete and realistic, not theoretical, impossible or silly. So no “Walk on the moon” options or “Find a million dollars on the sidewalk” options. These are about real things that you could quite conceivably do.
“So now, the questioner turns over their green tiles, and then each person in order, around the circle, turns over their green and blue tiles. The key part of the game is now the conversation that ensues about why people answered as they did. And perhaps some expressions of astonishment about what some of us would realistically love the chance to do.”
“I can see this working for people who have explored the ikigai idea and put together a list of the things that bring them joy. But what about for people who’ve never thought about it?”
“Two options: Either have a ‘starter’ deck of options for the questioner to ask about, at least until players learn to come up with their own, or alternatively have a ‘learn about your ikigai‘ session before you play, to allow players to come up with some real ikigai options of their own that they can then use in the game.”
“I love it, though it’s going to raise eyebrows among those who don’t know about ikigai, and who maybe even don’t know what really gives them joy. They might think this is too much brain challenging work and not enough fun. Same for people who don’t have very good imaginations.”
“Absolutely true. That might make this whole idea a failure. But I think the ‘starter deck’ of questions, if it’s well-done, might get them over the learning hump. Here’s my first cut at some questions for the starter deck:
| A | B | C |
| Lie on the beach in the sun all day | Play in a volleyball tournament on a tropical beach | Beachcomb for shells, fossils and driftwood |
| Learn to pole dance | Dance naked in the pouring rain | Take Latin dance lessons |
| Talk with friends about politics | Talk with friends about favourite characters from novels | Talk with friends about philosophy and science |
| Tell ghost stories by a campfire | Roast chestnuts on a hearth fireplace | Attend a bonfire party |
| Drink matcha lattes | Drink egg nogs | Drink hibiscus tea |
| Use a weighted blanket for comfort on a cold night | Snuggle with a platonic friend on a cold night | Snuggle with a cat on a cold night |
| Walk on a swinging (suspension) bridge | Participate in a ‘Deep Time’ walk | Walk alone in a tropical rainforest |
| Get a deep tissue massage | Spend time in a sensory deprivation tank | Get an Ayurvedic oil massage |
| Flirt with someone from a very different culture | Engage in a ‘speed dating’ activity just for fun | Spend an entire day with someone without using any form of language |
| Play a collaborative board game — one with no winner | Dress up and engage in ‘furry’ play with friends |
Play a GPS scavenger hunt game |
| Listen and dance to EDM music | Attend a choral concert | Listen to K-Pop music |
| Engage in clever banter at a party with a group | Find one interesting new person at a party and spend time with them | Ditch the main party activities and play with the host’s cat instead |
| Play laser tag | Play Escape Room | Play Fortnite |
| Write short stories | Write essays | Write poems |
| Compose music | Sing in a choir | Play in a band |
| Watch murder mystery TV shows | Do Sudoku puzzles | Do crossword puzzles |
| Fish | Stargaze | Birdwatch |
| Learn to make your own clothes | Learn to mend your own clothes | Learn to fix your own bicycle |
| Make pottery on a wheel | Paint with acrylics | Weave on a loom |
| Go canoeing | Go spelunking | Go parasailing |
| Eat a fudge sundae | Eat vegan ice cream with raspberries | Eat a S’mores crepe |
| Participate in a yacht race | Participate in a polar bear swim | Go up in a hot air balloon |
| Visit Paris | Visit New Zealand | Visit China |
“And I also hope that the learning and discovery about one’s own joys, and others’, will more than compensate for the mental energy the game demands.”
“Yeah, because we have such ‘thoughtful’ friends, I think it might work well for them. So… scoring?”
“That’s the coolest part. I have a blank laptop spreadsheet that handles it all. Key in the questions in the first column, and everybody’s ‘green tile’ and ‘blue tile’ answers in the other columns, and the spreadsheet automatically computes two things: (1) How well each player did at correctly guessing the questioners’ own answers, and (2) How well each player’s own answers correlate with every other player’s answers. And displays that information as running totals as the game progresses.”
“Uh, oh. So what if Lissa’s answers and mine correlate 96%, and yours and mine only correlate 75%. Does that mean I’m hanging around with the wrong smart, beautiful woman?”
“Maybe. Wouldn’t it be interesting to know? Maybe if hers and mine also correlate very highly, we should just consider including her in some of the things we do, for everyone’s happiness. And maybe it means that Lissa and I should organize some canoeing trips together and leave you on shore to make our favourite dinner and have it ready when we finish our trip.”
“That sounds good. But the candle-lit bubble bath afterwards might be a bit of a squeeze for three.”
“That’s OK. I happen to know Xan loves bubble baths, and he’s vegan like you. So you can bathe with Lissa and I can bathe with Xan. Come to think of it, I think he has a hot tub too!”
